I Am Not Filling Out Your Survey

And if I do, you won’t like the outcome.

Grade inflation, or rather star inflation, is rampant in online shopping. I blame Amazon. But it has gotten so carried away that everyone from the checkout clerk at the grocery store to the guy that sends me simple screws is asking for my review of their performance, or their product. Let’s face it; I do not have the time.

If you keep insisting, I am going to grade you precisely the same way I graded my employees. I used to work for a company with a hideous annual review process. If you did your job, you got a three out of five. If you aspired for a higher grade, there were strict criteria. To get a four, you had to be recognized as an expert or leader by other people in the company. We had over seven hundred people. To be recognized in this way, it rarely happened. We used to say god had you on speed-dial. To get a five, you had to be recognized as a leader in your industry. God had you on speed-dial.

I am going to take the same tact with surveys. If it does the job, you get a three. To get more stars beyond that, you are going to have to rock my world. Second, if you sell me a product, do not ask me for my initial opinion. I probably have not had time to use it effectively. Ask me again in another month. Or another six months. That will allow me to evaluate your product correctly. Frankly, unless it changes my world, you will still only get three stars. The number of things that have risen to that level through my life is so minimal that it cannot be counted.

Just stop asking.

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